Early morning cat farce

This is Natalie a few weeks ago. I swear she's doubled in size since. Remember I was saying she's a cat of extremes? This illustrates the point perfectly and happened a couple of weekends ago.

5.30am, Sunday morning. The sun is just rising and I am awakened by Rob hawking up a loogie. I am somewhat annoyed, but atttempt to settle back down to sleep. As this sort of time was the Early Morning Rampage time when we first had them, I keep an ear open to see if they were being noisy. I intend to let them out in to the house if they are making a ruckus.

Lo! I hear a cat, probably Her, tapping desperately on the locked catflap. We keep them in at night, in their own room, and only let them out when they've eaten and Nathan's had his medication. It is noisy. I am quite paranoid about noise at unsociable hours because our neighbours are very old and very miserable about noise and I don't want them knocking on the walls. Again.

I get up to let the cats into the house. She will NOT leave me alone, following me around, weaving around my legs, desperate, it would seem for some attention. I pet her a bit and return to bed, pulling the bedroom door "to" behind me. I hear them tearing up the carpet a bit and lie with my eyes open in case they start rampaging.

The bedroom door opens, quite quickly and I half-yell "Oh my God." She has opened the door. She jumps on the bed, rubbing up against both Rob and I but refusing to settle. I think maybe she wants to go out for a number 2. I lock Him in the house and let her out the back. I am glad we have so many doors in the house that allow me to effectively create so many airlocks just to allow a cat out for a shit.

She runs outside, sees the fog and feels the chilly air and runs right back between my legs. Repeat the bed exercise. I FINALLY realise she might be hungry, put some food down, they both trough away and I return to bed, shutting them back in their room. I am now wide awake and this has been going on for a full hour. I suggest to Rob that we pill Nathan and chuck them out. Surprisingly, he agrees. We sleep.

Bloody cats.